It's an ugly word and God hates it. No matter how you use it it brings
anger and bitterness. When used in a relationship it's guaranteed to
turn ugly very quickly. This word has brought even the brightest
relationships to the gallows to lay down and be separated by it's cruel
blood stained blade. The D word I'm referring to is not the four letter
word that is a homophone for Dam. No this word is much worse and has
far greater impact on the stability of humanity. The D-Word I'm
referring to is the word DIVORCE! It literally means to cut in two, an
idea that boldly goes against what Jesus commands..."What God has put
together let no man separate" (Matthew 19:6). Unfortunately in this day
and age divorce is a common occurrence. We are so full of ourselves
today that we no longer work things out but instead we take the easy
route and pay a lawyer thousands of dollars to drag each other through
the mud so we can get "everything we deserve".
Now if you think I'm writing this blog to condemn anyone you are wrong.
How could I condemn someone for something that is also touching me and
my family right now. I am currently going through a divorce and I know
how easily Satan can get inside your mind and make you want to "fight
for your rights". You see Satan's greatest tool is get you to pray
against someone else. He'll bring scriptures to your mind about God
destroying your enemies and cause you to believe that's the attitude you
should have. Satan knows that if he can get you to pray against those
who hurt you then He's won the battle because you're failing to pray
against him, the real source of your battle! Jesus knew what He was
talking about when He said "pray for you enemies". That's where the
power is.
So men this is where I'm gonna step on your toes and like a former
pastor of mine says "I don't step on your toes with anything that God
hasn't already stepped on mine with". Part of becoming a Square Watermelon
is realizing that your ex-wife is not your enemy. No matter what the
court says, no matter what that stack of legal mumbo-jumbo locked away
in a box says, and no matter what your broken heart says your ex-wife is
still your CALLING and your RESPONSIBILITY!
Getting a divorce doesn't free you of your God given responsibility as a
husband. In fact in God's eyes you are still married to your
ex-wife. Your divorce is not even something God acknowledges. Jesus said
that divorce was allowed because of the "hardness of your heart" but
"from the beginning it was not so". (Matthew 19:8) He goes on to say
that a man who is divorced and marries another woman is committing
adultery.(verse 9) Now correct me if I'm wrong but in order to commit
adultery you have to be married. So according to Jesus you may hold a
piece of paper that says you are no longer married but in heaven you are
still one flesh.
Now again I want to be clear that I am not condemning anyone. If you
are divorced and remarried please don't feel like I'm calling you out. I
know many Godly people who have been divorced. God "works all things
together for good to those who love Him"...even divorce! What I am
saying is that we, as ex-husbands, are still responsible for loving our
ex-wives "as Christ loved the church" (Ephesians 5:25) How did Jesus
love the church? He died for us while we were yet sinners. (Romans 5:8)
Sin separates us from God and is a choice on our part. We choose to
sin, which means that ultimately we choose to be separated from
God. That sounds a lot like divorce to me. Yet even in the midst of
our divorce from God He still chose to die for us. He put aside His
rights and laid down His life to save us. That's what we as Square Watermelons must decide to do with our exes. We must put our selfishness aside and start putting them first.
So how do we flesh this out in real life? Do we start buying our exes
flowers and asking them out for supper? Dedicate love songs to them on
the radio? No. (unless of course God tells you to that)
First of all we must forgive them. I have a friend who says that all
divorces happen because of a decision not to forgive. That is so true.
Divorces ultimately don't occur because of adultery. They don't occur
because of addiction. They don't even occur because of finances. They
occur because at least one, but most of the time both spouses make a
conscious decision not to forgive the other spouse for a wrong done.
This is not the way Jesus loved the church and so we as ex-husbands have
to forgive our spouse. The Apostle Paul said in Colossians 2:13 "And
you being dead in your sins...He has made alive together with Him having
forgiven you all sin" As I said earlier divorce means to cut in two.
Literally to separate flesh. In other words to murder. When a couple
gets divorced it's as if the spouses have become "dead" in their
divorce. This type of "dead" is similar to the "dead" we were when we
were in sin. It's a spiritual death that can only be dealt with by
forgiveness...unforgiveness is not an option!
The next thing Jesus does regularly is He prays for us. Jesus is our
heavenly intercessor. He even prays for us when we make mistakes and
sin. I love the story of when Jesus tells Peter "Satan has requested to
sift you as wheat but I have prayed for you that when you return you
will strengthen your brothers". Jesus knew that during Peter's sifting
he would fail Him. He knew He would deny Him yet He prayed for Peter.
We also have to pray for our ex-wives no matter how badly we have been
hurt. We are still the spiritual head of our household. Now obviously
we can't go over to there house and have a bible study each night. It's
too late for that but we can intercede on our wives behalf. We have to
protect them and bind any stronghold that Satan has on their mind that
keeps them from being free in Jesus. We have to ask God to give us
opportunities to show them His love. We have to pray for God to bless
our exes with peace. We have to pray for God to bless them
financially...better yet pray for God to bless US financially so we can
bless THEM! Their spiritual well being is at risk when the divorce
occurs and Satan would love nothing better than to get a foot in the
door and exploit that weakness. We have to spiritually stand in front
of them to protect them from the true enemy.
Maybe you've been divorced or maybe you're like me and you're in the
middle of one right now. Maybe you've fallen for Satan's lies and
started thinking of your wife as your enemy. Don't get discouraged and
think that you can't start over. It may be too late to save your
marriage but you most definitely can help protect your exes soul from
the attack of Satan. Make a decision today to pray for your ex. Notice I
said pray FOR your ex. Ask God to change your heart to still think of
her as your wife. Ask Him to help you have the resolve to love Her even
though she is "dead" in divorce. If you'll do this I promise you'll
live a better life. You won't be wrapped up in fighting for your rights
but instead you be living the way Jesus calls us to, by "putting others
first"!
With God's help your D Word can be transformed into a new word. It will
no longer be thought of in the negative form as a Divorce but instead
it will be Delightful! Who knows, God may even raise the dead and bring
the separated halves back together again! He does great things like
that when we're obedient.
A slave no more, except to Him who saved me!
Lee Lumley
Romans 6:6
"Knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of
sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin.
FOR HE WHO HAS DIED HAS BEEN FREED FROM SIN"
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